We are doing a study on the pressures that moms face in my Mom’s Connection group. And to be honest, I didn’t feel any of those pressures in the way they were meant. So I was really struggling with the study. I don’t say that to sound conceited...because believe me, I have so many other issues. 😂 But as I was digging, I found that I do feel some pressure.
I have a self-imposed pressure to do it all, meaning I feel that pressure from myself, not an outside influence. But I don’t mean do all the things and have all the roles. I just mean that I feel like I have to be mom to Henry all of the time and I am not supposed to ask for help.
I feel that it is my job to be mom (it is), and the only person I can ask for help from is my husband. 😬 But allow me to give some background.
In 2011, we were married. Tyler finished school and just a few short months later landed a job that took us to OKC for 3 months, and then onto STL for 4 years. He then moved positions which moved us back to OKC for another 4.5 years. The closest we’ve been to our family was 3 hours, but for the majority of our marriage we’ve lived 5 hours away. Short enough to visit frequently, but not short enough to ask them for help when I desperately needed it (flood of 2015, flood of 2019, postpartum depression/newborn life, pandemic, etc).
I had to learn to do things myself. I was already independent, so this wasn’t difficult for me. But when we moved back to OKC in 2016, the Lord has impressed upon me the idea that community was important. It is. He created us for community. I was just learning this and leaning into it when March 2020 hit. Then we were isolated even more than we already were.
When we moved back home to Missouri, I recognized that I struggled with this, as my husband has lovingly pointed out. He has texted my mom numerous times to ask for her help, but I struggle with it. I just feel like since Henry is my son, I need to be in charge of him.
I often worry that he is way too much to handle for others who aren’t used to him. He is always on the go until he lays down for the night. I always have to keep an eye on him because he is always getting into things he shouldn’t be. But the Lord gave me a picture this week.
The reason why I struggled with Granny’s death so hard? Because I loved her and she loved me. I loved going to her house and she loved having me there. Despite my Grandpa’s, “Beth Elaine, quit blowing bubbles in your milk,” instructions in his stern voice, they did love me (and my brothers). And I want that for Henry.
So I have to allow people to help me. Henry is a joy, and when others get to experience his joy, it’s the best for everyone. Henry will know his grandparents and his grandparents will know him. It’s okay to ask for help. Because when we do, and we can get away for even just a couple of hours, we feel refreshed. At least I do.
We were made for community...and the blessing is that others can help us. But we also get to be a blessing to others as well. I am still learning these important lessons the Lord has taught me, as it filters into motherhood. I want to lean into Him and draw from His strength when I feel weak. I want to allow Him to speak life into me. I want Him to continue teaching me, but I want to be moldable so that He can grow me in the likeness of Christ.
Our Mom’s Connection coordinator said this yesterday, “As my child grows through these stages, I have to grow, too.” I was blessed by that. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m in a constant state of growth. Growth is painful and difficult, but it’s worth it. It’s for my good and His glory.
