Trust in the Lord

Via

Sometimes I feel like I just need a wake-up call.
Okay, maybe I'm just that dense that God has to really slap me upside the head.
Maybe that's why I've been having all these headaches. Ha!

This past week has been a struggle for me.
It all started last July when I chipped my tooth.
I got it fixed for the time being, but knew that I could possibly need a root canal in the next several days.
I prayed hard for that dang tooth.
Those days came and went, and I was fine.

Fast forward to the end of January.
I had a massive toothache.
Oh my gosh...I couldn't drink anything without a straw, it was that bad.
I went to a new dentist this time.
Much nicer, lots more patience.
He had to numb me up so that I could get my teeth cleaned. 
The next day, I came back in for a root canal.

Things went well, but there wasn't enough time to finish it all up.
My tooth was "aggravated" in the words of the dentist.
I came back in 3 weeks to get the rest of it finished up.
Meanwhile, I developed an infection.
Went through 10 days of antibiotics.
Nothing happened.
Called back.
More medicine.
10 more days of antibiotics.
All while this has been going on, I've developed other problems stemming from this whole predicament.

On Sunday, I was texting my mom.
And I was just laying on the floor crying because of all that is going on.
I've been so blessed to be "healthy" most of my life.
I've never struggled with medical issues, so this has been stressful for me.

I know that God has been trying to get my attention.
This is just a trial.
I feel that often times, I depend on something other than Him to get me through the situation.
In this case, I feel like I might have depended too heavily on the medication, and not enough on Him.

I went back to the dentist yesterday.
I was praying that the infection would be gone.
It wasn't.
So we are trying the last thing before he will recommend an extraction.

This time around, I've realized that Satan is disguising himself as an infection in my tooth.
For some reason, he won't get outta there.
I have realized, that he is wanting me to get upset, frustrated, and discouraged with everything that has been going on.
And he is loving every second of watching me live like that.
He wants me to live this miserable life...because he is miserable.

But I said, "No more!"
My God is SO much bigger than Satan...than this little infection.
My God is healer.
He's comfort, He's strength, and He's encouraging.

This morning, I was listing to the radio and this song came on:

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord..."

God met me in my moment.  
As I wait on Him to do His thing, I will have the strength to continue down this road.
I am putting my trust and hope in Him alone.
Yes, I think that this last medication can help, don't get me wrong.
But I know that my God is better than science and medication.

I am praying fervently that by April 8th at 11 am this infection will be gone from my mouth.
That at that time, the dentist will be able to finish up the root canal, and we'll be able to put a finish to this long saga.
More importantly I want to live out Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.  In all my ways, I want to seek Him so that He will direct my paths straight. (This is my paraphrase.) 

Trust

A while back, my mom and I were talking on the phone as I was coming home from work.  That seems to be our routine...I call her everyday at 5:00 pm while I drive the 35 minutes home.

We were talking about different things in my life, and it got mentioned that I don't trust people.  That got me thinking...

It's true.  I don't.

You can ask my husband...I didn't warm up to him for a long time.  It took me at least a year of dating for him to see who I really was, and even now I have a hard time opening up to him sometimes.

As we were talking, my mom knew exactly why I don't trust people.  Every close friend I have ever had has hurt me.  So I close myself off to others.

Sure, I'll talk with them, tell them things they want to know, and try to get to know them.

But I build a wall.

A wall that is high enough to protect me from getting hurt, but it is also low enough that it lets me talk over it, so it will seem like you're getting to know me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm that way with God.  That I build a wall between us because I don't fully trust Him.  At the same time, I'm trying to get to know Him by talking with Him and reading His Word.  But there's still a disconnect between us sometimes.  

I'm too much of a "me-do-it" girl, that I tend to do life on my own.  Before long, I'm discouraged and depressed.  

via

Notice the verse says "Trust in the lord with all your heart," not just part of it.  ALL of it.  And it also says, "Do not lean on your own understanding."  So much harder to do than it is to say.  Being flesh, I want to be the one who conducts my life.  But I can't.  God is the ultimate conductor.

Without Him in the driver's seat, life gets messy.  I am miserable when I try to do it on my own.  But with Him, the pieces of the puzzle of life fall into place, as I sit back in awe of how He does it.

Is God in your driver's seat or have you built a wall that needs to come tumbling down?