A Year of Grace

Last December, I came in contact with some Instagram friends who had a word for the year.  I wanted to learn more about this word...and how they each picked it.  What I gathered is that instead of making New Year's Resolutions, they picked a word to focus on for the year.  What a great idea!  

I think New Year's Resolutions are overrated.  They get made and about two weeks later, they get left behind in the dust.  So I decided that I wanted in on this little word-picking-for-the-year-shindig.  Boy am I glad that I did.

If you remember, I picked to word Grace for 2013.  Let me just tell you, I had no idea what the Lord had planned for me this year.  Oh goodness.

My mind was open to giving and receiving grace this year...but I shortly learned that my heart was not.  I knew that I wasn't grace-filled.  I knew that I needed to be working on it.  But my heart was completely shut to the idea of grace.  Oh I could receive God's grace...his forgiveness, but I couldn't seem to give grace to people who needed it.  Something was seriously wrong with that picture.

I am a fairly dense individual.  I don't get subtle hints very well and that includes when God is talking to me.  I feel that He has to hit me over the head when it comes things He needs me to hear and learn.

This year, what I didn't know was that God was working in my heart.  He was softening it little by little.  Then one day, He poured His truth on me.  My eyes were open.  My heart was listening, and I was broken.

The next few weeks were emotionally painful for me.  I was working through pain that I had held onto for years.  I was working through situations that hadn't been resolved.  I was working through a mountain of lies that Satan had been telling me through those years that I had chosen to believe.  Yes, I chose to believe those things.

I had even broken down and asked my small group for prayer as I was sorting through all of the issues.  I had been held captive to unforgiveness, bitterness, and even hatred.  I was tired of living this life.  I wanted a life of freedom.

You see when you harbor unforgiveness in your life, the only person you are hurting is yourself.  For some reason I thought that holding onto hurt and anger and grudges would be the way to go.  I thought it was the only way that I could live.  I didn't ever think that I could ever begin to forgive.  

I was right about that, though.  I couldn't ever forgive.  Not on my own.  If it were up to me, and only me, I would hold onto all of that for the rest of my life.  I would try to get even.  I would be filled with hate forever.  It is only through the grace of God that I could forgive.  It is only because I allowed Christ into my heart and let my guard down, that I could truly know what it meant to forgive.

Through lots of prayer, reading the Word, writing down my thoughts, and the encouragement and prayer of my small group, I finally found that freedom.  Slowly but surely, my heart is being healed of all the hurt, guilt, and hate.  I know that God is Healer.  But what I hadn't really known is how He can truly heal my heart...from a pain that I never thought that I would be rid of.  He can heal my wounds...the ones that cut so deep.  He can heal my attitude towards others.  

God has broken down those walls in my heart.  He has busted through and stamped out all the lies.  He has has restored my soul which has allowed me to forgive and extend grace to those in my life who have needed it.  This has been nothing short of a miracle.

God definitely gets all the glory in this story.  There is no way that on my own I would have been able to make this kind of progress.  There is no way that on my own I would even be talking about God's Grace today.

Friends, I am here to tell you that God can truly heal you...but only if you let Him in.  Is there an area in your life that you need to let Him in?  I kept this part of my life from Him for so long...it was such a burden to bear.   But when I finally let Him in, I found freedom.  I found peace.  Most of all, I found grace.  

No more am I a slave to hurt...guilt...hate...bitterness.  I am free.

FNP Meets The Attic

Friday night we had an experience that brought back some amazing college memories.  If I had to pick a year, I think my freshman year of college was my favorite.  Here's where my husband will interject and tell you his feelings are hurt {because I didn't meet him until midway through my sophomore year}.

Freshman year was my favorite for a couple of reasons.  I found three girls that were my age to hang out with.  We were inseparable.  We were in each other's rooms.  We "studied" in the library until it closed.  We drove around town singing at the top of our lungs.  We went splashing in the fountain at Jordan Valley Park.  We busted ice off each other's cars when it iced over that year.  We had sleepovers.  We attended Christian Campus House events together.  We got each other.

One thing that we did together...that I didn't fully remember until Friday night...was attend Friday Night Praise {or FNP}.  FNP was exactly that.  We gathered at the boys' house from Icthus {another campus ministry} and boy, did we pack that place.  I'm talking rows and rows of people...on the couches, on the floor, stacked up the stairway, in the kitchen and bedrooms and anywhere else you could find a place to sit.

Our favorite place to be was in the kitchen.  It was quite funny to see the boys' cleaning schedule up on the fridge each week...and to see that they might not have been the cleanest people, but they did try and that's what counted.  Friday Night Praise was acoustic worship with people from all over campus.  They had a projector with words, and if you were in the living area, you could see them.

It was that year that I really learned to worship.  I learned that you didn't have to be singing the words to the songs in order to worship.  Since we were almost always in the kitchen, we didn't see the words.  When we didn't know a song, we listened.  We closed our eyes and focused on praising the One who gave us that moment.  About midway through, they turned off the projector and turned off the lights.

It was that exact moment that I lived for all week.  It was in that moment that I felt closest to my Creator.  It was in that moment that everyone's voices got a little bit louder.  The foot tapping got a bit heavier.  The emotions were a tad higher.  It was in that moment that I could lift my hands and release all the tension, anger, stress, sadness, happiness, joyfulness, praises to the One who really loves and cares about me.

This past Friday night, Tyler and I attended The Attic for the first time since we've lived in St. Louis.  It was hosted at the church we attend, so we decided to check it out.  It was an hour of singing.  And in that hour, my mind was thinking back to my college memories.  It was thinking about what it really means to worship.

I want to get back to the heart, to the root of worship when everything is about Him.  It doesn't matter if I sing or pray or serve...if it's about Him, it's worship.  I want to put Him first in everything.  Some days are harder than others, but He's here to help guide us.  

What does worship mean to you?

Focused on the Plan?

Just when I think I know what God's plan is...

....BAM.  He goes and changes it on me.

That's just how He is.

But I'm so thankful that's how He is.

I've been quiet for some time here in my corner of the internet.

It hasn't really been on purpose...

We've just had a really busy month, and I haven't had much to say.

Shocker...right?!?

via

But during that time...

I have been focused on my life.

I have been focused on my job.

I have been focused on my future.

I haven't been focused on God's plan.

He's been doing some really cool things in my life lately.

I can't wait to share them with you!

What are you focusing on?

Your plan or His?

Redeemed

Several months ago, the song by Big Daddy Weave was released on the radio.

The powerful lyrics resonated within my soul.

All my life I have been called unworthy

I got called "fat" every day of 3rd grade, which in turn has affected my whole life.
A woman told me I wasn't good enough to play with her daughter in middle school, who happened to be my best friend.
I got cut from my 8th grade basketball team.
I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 20 years old.
I was unemployed for awhile.

Named by the voice of my shame and regret

I believed what those boys told me.
I resented that woman.
I was hurt.
I wondered what was wrong with me.
I wasn't good enough for them.

But when I hear You whisper, "Child, lift up your head"

"I am fearfully and wonderfully made." {Psalm 139:14}
"Forgive for I have forgiven you." {Colossians 3:13}
"Let me take care of your hurt." {1 Peter 5:7}
"I know the desires of your heart." {Psalm 38:9}
"I have a plan for your future."  {Jeremiah 29:11}

I remember oh God, You're not done with me yet.

I have taken back my self esteem.
Forgiveness is liberating.
It was just a bump in the road.
I married that boy and was saved from a lot of heartache.
I am good enough...He was preparing me for the perfect job. 

I am redeemed.

Lord, You've set me free!

Free from these lies that the Enemy so wants me to believe.

Free from the tangle of heartache, hurt, and unforgiveness.

So I'll shake off these heavy chains.

The chains making me a slave to sin.

Wipe away every stain.

All those lies that I've been told and have left a print in my heart.

Now I'm not who I used to be.

Because I'm redeemed.

The Lord has taken those things from me.

He has made me a new person.

Trust

A while back, my mom and I were talking on the phone as I was coming home from work.  That seems to be our routine...I call her everyday at 5:00 pm while I drive the 35 minutes home.

We were talking about different things in my life, and it got mentioned that I don't trust people.  That got me thinking...

It's true.  I don't.

You can ask my husband...I didn't warm up to him for a long time.  It took me at least a year of dating for him to see who I really was, and even now I have a hard time opening up to him sometimes.

As we were talking, my mom knew exactly why I don't trust people.  Every close friend I have ever had has hurt me.  So I close myself off to others.

Sure, I'll talk with them, tell them things they want to know, and try to get to know them.

But I build a wall.

A wall that is high enough to protect me from getting hurt, but it is also low enough that it lets me talk over it, so it will seem like you're getting to know me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm that way with God.  That I build a wall between us because I don't fully trust Him.  At the same time, I'm trying to get to know Him by talking with Him and reading His Word.  But there's still a disconnect between us sometimes.  

I'm too much of a "me-do-it" girl, that I tend to do life on my own.  Before long, I'm discouraged and depressed.  

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Notice the verse says "Trust in the lord with all your heart," not just part of it.  ALL of it.  And it also says, "Do not lean on your own understanding."  So much harder to do than it is to say.  Being flesh, I want to be the one who conducts my life.  But I can't.  God is the ultimate conductor.

Without Him in the driver's seat, life gets messy.  I am miserable when I try to do it on my own.  But with Him, the pieces of the puzzle of life fall into place, as I sit back in awe of how He does it.

Is God in your driver's seat or have you built a wall that needs to come tumbling down?

Refined

While rummaging through thrift stores and antique stores, I've heard so many people say "I gonna do...this...with it," with whatever treasure they've found.  I'm just in awe of how people can see what it could be instead of just seeing it as it is.  I'm not like that...maybe it's because I'm left-brained. 

God can see it...and for that, I'm so thankful.

There's a passage in 1 Samuel that talks about finding a new King.

Samuel would be anointing the man that God had indicated to him.

Each man that was brought before Samuel wasn't the man that God wanted.

When they brought the boy from the field, the Lord told Samuel that he was the one.

In the chapter 16, verse 7b it says,

"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'"

God sees what we can be.

He sees what is inside of us.

He sees our potential.

Sometimes it takes a little refining...tests, trials, struggles.

God will use whatever it takes for us to grow closer to Him.

Psalm 66:10--

For you, God, tested us;

    you refined us like silver.

Sometimes I just don't get it.

Sometimes I totally miss the mark.

Sometimes it takes me more than one time in the same trial.

But in the end, what I learned is a valuable lesson.

What I learned can help refine me into that beautiful person that the Lord sees in me...even when no one else can see it right now.

And those lessons...the ones that help make me more beautiful...

Those will make gorgeous accessories for my personality.

2 Corinthians 5:17--

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

**P.S.  This was an old picture frame that I found at Goodwill on Saturday...but I didn't see it as a picture frame. :)

Every Heart Prepare Him Room

And the winners are:

Mandy, Kim B, Coasterkim, and Abigail 

Please email me at asimplekindoflove {at} gmail {dot} com to claim your prize! :)

Congratulations!

How have you been preparing for this Christmas season?

To be honest with you, I haven't been in the Christmas spirit.

I have my tree and decorations up, and one gift wrapped.

I have a list of gift ideas for people, but haven't acted upon it.

I haven't felt like shopping...honestly, we will probably be buying most gifts online.

Shopping in St. Louis is like an Olympic sport, and I don't have the agility to keep up.

The best thing is that I don't feel like I have to.

Want to know a real confession?

I don't like Christmas music.

Well, I don't like it in November or December.

I LOVE it in July.

So that can't even help me get into the spirit of Christmas.

{Side note:  My favorite Christmas carol is O Holy Night.}

But, I don't mean by gift shopping, baking, listening to Christmas music, or even tree trimming.

How have you been preparing your heart?

If I'm being honest with you, my heart really hasn't been in it.

I feel like I need to keep up with the hustle and bustle of the season, but what I really need to do is slow down and reflect the reason for the season.

I've been very bothered by this lately.

With other things going on and a checklist of Christmas things to do, my heart has just been weighed down.

This morning I prayed,

"God, please prepare my heart for this Christmas season."

Reading the Christmas story in the Bible has made me reflect upon who Christ is.

Not only that, but it has made me reflect on who God is.

He gave is only son so that we may have life with Him!

Can you imagine giving your first born away?

Not only giving him away, but then watching as He was nailed to a cross and died for all of mankind??

I don't have kids yet...and Lord willing, we won't for several more years.

But I cannot even fathom what that would be like.

To know that a God loves each of us sooo much that He gave up His ONLY son that we may live with Him forever?

I don't know about you, but every time I think about that, it brings tears to my eyes.

How could I ever be worthy of a Love like that?

Simply stated, I'm not.

But because of God's Grace, I'm worthy of it.

With all the Christmas activities, parties, family get togethers, and gift giving going on, don't forget to stop and let Jesus into your heart. 

Let Him be the reason that we're doing all of this fun stuff.

Let Him be the reason that we're giving to others.

Let Him be the reason we worship.

How are you preparing Him room in your heart this Christmas season?

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Decisions, Decisions...

Do you ever feel stuck?

And you don't know what to do?

And you don't even know how to begin to get out?

Or maybe you don't want to get out?

Or maybe you do...but you're in just deep enough that it will hurt when trying to get out?

Just when we thought things were going great, some other things happened.

So we've come to a crossroad.

Do we keep on trucking down the same road?

Digging even deeper, trusting someone with our ideas that may not work, or they may not want to listen?

Thinking they've done this before but it didn't excel, so why try again?

Or do we make a left turn and begin again?

Hoping that where we do end up will be a perfect match?

"They" say that when you feel something, you're likely not the only one feeling it.

Hmm...I find this true in most cases.

Right now...I don't even know how to begin to look for people experiencing the same, feeling the same, wanting the same...

Simply stated, it's frustrating and lonely.

My struggle is this:

Do we stay put and attempt for who-knows-how many more months, to hopefully make it better for someone else, and hopefully make it better for us?

OR

Do we head back to square one, starting over, and hope that the already established is exactly what we need and where we're supposed to be?

Being a follower of Christ is really hard sometimes. 

Part of me feels like if we decide to head back to square one, that we're just being a fan.

I don't want to be a fan...someone who sits by and roots for Jesus, but doesn't do anything about what it truly means to be a Christian.

I want to do what He asks of me.

The other part of me feels like that even if we do start over, that God could always call us back to where we were.

Knowing that, gives me a little bit of comfort.

But it still leaves us with the question:

What do we do?

We will continue to pray and ask God to open doors for us.

Maybe he doesn't care which option we choose as long as we're serving Him whole-heartedly.

I haven't figured that out yet.

But when I do...I'll let you know.

For now, what do you guys do when you feel like you're at a crossroad?

How do you choose what road is the right path for you?

Comfort

On the way home from grocery shopping tonight,

I was listening to the radio.

Joy! FM is a great station to listen to!

Anyway, I was just going about my business

when the deejay was talking about his

small group/accountability group/whatever you want to call it.

He was talking about a subject that had been brought up.

The idol of comfort.

I had never thought of that before {and neither had he}.

Is comfort your idol?

Is comfort standing in your way of being obedient to God?
Is comfort your excuse for not going on mission trips?

Is comfort your excuse for not talking to others about Christ?

Is comfort your excuse for not going out of your way to help someone?

If so, then comfort is your idol.

At times, comfort has been my excuse.

Mainly for talking to others about Christ.

I don't want to offend them.

I don't want them to think that I hate them 

or am judging them.

Don't let comfort be your idol.

God blesses you SO much when you get out of your comfort zone

and do something for Him.
He knows how uncomfortable you are; He will never leave you.

He will sustain you.

#SheReadsTruth

A couple weeks ago, my friend Kaysi who blogs here (and is SUCH a sweetheart) posted on her facebook about a website she had stumbled across called She Reads Truth. She challenged her gal pals to join in with her to read the Bible daily.  So I clicked on the link and read a little more about it.

WOW! I have totally been blessed by it!  Here's what it's all about...

First and foremost, it's about digging into God's Word daily.

It's set up for you to use the YouVersion app on your cell phone.

You can also read along in your Bible if you'd like.

There's a new devotion posted on their site every day.

You can even get it in your email!

They choose a plan and let you know which one they will be using via their website.

If you're new to it, you can read how to get started here.

The new plan just started yesterday, so if you hurry, you can catch up!

Read it.  Journal it.  Instagram it.  Facebook it.

#shereadstruth

If you give God just 20 minutes a day, He will honor that.  I challenge you to get started on this journey with me.  Reading the Bible will be the best thing you could do with your time.  It's how you really get to know Him, rather than just knowing about Him.

Prayer Changes Everything

Prayer has always been important in my relationship with God.  Most anyone who has a personal relationship with the Father will tell you that prayer is important.


Recently, I have just been convicted that I don't pray enough!  It's true.  I know God is there.  I know He listens to me, and I do pray everyday.  But how is it, in the busyness of life, do we forget about Him most of the time?


Frances Chan says in his book Crazy Love, "On the average day, we live caught up in ourselves.  On the average day, we don't consider God very much.  On the average day, we forget that our life truly is a vapor."


It's true.  It's our nature to be caught up in our lives and what's to come, rather than focusing on the moment.

James 4:13-14 says,

"Look here, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year.  We will do business there and make a profit.'  How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?  Your life is like a morning fog--it's here a while, then it's gone."

My mom would tell you that I've counted down my whole life.  First it was to when I could get my ears pierced.  I had to be 13 years old before my parents would let me get it done.  So I counted down to that.  Then it was my driver's permit.  Then my driver's license.  High School graduation.  College.  End of semesters.  College graduation.  My wedding day.


Yes.  I like to count down.  But I don't have anything to count down for right now.  Wanna know something?  That's okay.  I feel so perfectly content in my life right now.  I'm trying to find the joy in each day, and just live in the moment all while praising my God who gave me that day.


Every morning on the way to work I pray.  I stuck a post-it note on my dash and wrote down the people and things that I need to pray for that week.  Every morning, as soon as I get on 270, I pray.  I thank God for my blessings and pray over my family.  This is the only good thing about my 25 minute commute.  I'm focused on praying for others and not the traffic getting upset about the traffic.  


It's helped me become a more thankful person.  I'm grateful for time with my Savior each morning.


Frances Chan goes on to say, "When you are truly in love, you go to great lengths to be with the one you love.  You'll drive for hours to be together, even if it's only for a short while.  You don't mind staying up late to talk.  Walking in the rain is romantic, not annoying.  You'll willingly spend a small fortune on the one you're crazy about.  When you are far apart from each other, it's painful, even miserable.  He or she is all you can think about; you jump at any chance to be together."


This is true.  When Tyler and I were dating, we'd make plans to be together when we were far apart.  We would go out of the way to see each other for only a few minutes.  When we weren't together, we'd be talking on the phone to each other.  


Why don't we do this with God?  The same is true...when you're far from God, it's painful and miserable.  We should be so in love with Him that all we can think about is Him!  We should be thinking about what ministry we could invest in, rather than investing in our 401 (k) or in worldly possessions with that extra money in our account.  We can't take those things to Heaven, but we can take people.  We should be making time to talk and listen to the One who created us.  I pray that I will always be yearning for that precious time.


I also have found that my attitude has changed when I'm praying for someone or something.


Frances again states, "The fact is, I need God to help me love God.  And if I need His help to love Him, a perfect being, I definitely need His help to love other, fault-filled humans.....Our prayers for more love result in love, which naturally causes us to pray more, which results in more love..."


It doesn't happen right away, and I'm still praying for a complete healing of my heart, but it will change.  The only way I can change is if God changes me.  We should always be striving to be better.  We should always want God to change us.


I pray that you will take time in your day to talk to Him.  He's the only One who can really help you and really change you.  Find the joy in each day.  Live in the moment.  Thank Him for the blessings He's given you.  Remember Him throughout the day.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says,

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."