St. Louis: The City that Grew Me

In 2013, I was living in St. Louis and I came across a post about some fitness thing. I inquired about it, but only because I had started my journey just 4 months prior. I was curious. I asked a lot of questions. I ordered what I thought was an over-priced shake. I bought a home workout dvd…was I really going to be doing Richard Simmons or Jane Fonda style workouts in my second floor apartment?

A couple months later, we bought our first home across town and I had a basement to workout in. TurboFire became my soulmate workout, and it evolved from there.

Today, my thoughts about the products I use is VASTLY different from when I started. And my thoughts about the town that I left just a few years later are vastly different, too.

This weekend, I went back to STL for our annual Team Beachbody Coach Summit. Not only did the Lord reveal Himself through things of this little hobby of mine, but He showed up BIG in my thoughts and feelings surrounding this city.

STL holds a lot of difficult memories for me. We moved there 10 years ago when I was a brand new wife, fresh outta college, knowing no one. I didn’t even know who I was. My husband wanted to work at the corporate office, so moving to OKC was always in the back of my mind. We didn’t plant many roots. He climbed the ladder and traveled every week for work. It was a strain on our relationship. In 2015, I lost my Granny and didn’t know how to process that or grieve. My life felt outta control. When we had 18 hours to make the decision to move to OKC at the end of 2015, it was a “heck yes! Get me out of here, but I also want to do what God is calling us to do” type of decision.

For many years after that, I didn’t even want to think about our time in STL. I wanted to run away from it. I had icky feelings for a LONG time. But each time I go back there, He reveals something to me.

Last year, I had the opportunity to go see a friend who adopted her daughter. A lot of healing happened that trip as I drove around town looking at the places we lived. I drove the once-familiar roads that seemed so foreign to me. I remembered things that I had blocked out of my memories. It was a good trip. A celebratory one that turned into a healing trip.

So this time when I went, I wasn’t expecting a whole lot of anything. But as I drove into the city, the familiar landmarks that once triggered a “we are ___many minutes from being home,” became strange to me. And I realized that the 417 will always feel like home to me.

But this time, God showed me that I needed St. Louis in my story. If it weren’t for my time in STL, I wouldn’t have the relationship with Him that I do now. If it weren’t for my time in STL, I wouldn’t have discovered my identity in Him. If it weren’t for my time in STL, I wouldn’t be the girl I am today, and I wouldn’t be living in Joplin (which still blows my mind…but that’s another story for another day. Sure, God could have used other circumstances to grow me and bring me closer to Him. But He didn’t. He used 4 short years in St. Louis. It was the city that grew me.

I still have difficult memories that I have to work through. But God uses all things for my good and His glory. He may not reveal everything about why we were there…but I believe that He has used it for my good. And He really does get the glory for that.

Instead of thinking of all the bad, I can now look back on that blip in time with fond memories, knowing that the people we met are what is good. So thank you, St. Louis, for being a part of my story…a part of our story.

Finally...Some Results

I haven't been focused in a long time. Like I mentioned in the previous blog, I've kinda felt like I was just bobbing around in my health and fitness. Last year, I definitely felt very unmotivated when it came to working out. I didn't give it my all. I worked out half-heartedly. I didn't feel like I had a purpose and mission in that season. I knew why I was eating the way I was, and I had connected with that reason. But my fitness floundered.

February presented a challenge called the "60 in 60." It was 60 workouts in 60 days using our newest platform called, "Beachbody On Demand Interactive." It is where our cycling classes are housed among so many others. You can join in live and interact with the trainer. It's pretty neat. So I decided that I was going to do that alongside my Hashimoto's Protocol journey.

It's really what I needed. I planned out my daily classes (which were 30 minutes), and I got to integrate cycling classes, which I fell in love with. This challenge is what I needed to grab my focus. Once I was finished with that, I decided to do a program that was longer...in individual workout time as well as duration of the program.

I did this workout program alongside the 4-Week Gut Protocol (although the 4WGP comes with its own special workout program). However, after a tight glute that flared my lower back (again!), I ended up not really working out for most of the program. But I knew that weightloss is about 80% nutrition and 20% exercise, so I just focused in on my nutrition. I had tunnel vision for my goals (which my specific goal was to get to my pre-pregnancy/pregnancy weight), and I met that goal within 3 weeks of the program! I still had another week left to see what I could do!

To be completely honest, I didn't take measurements. But I lost 11.1 pounds in 28 days. To say that I am thrilled with these results would be the understatement of the year. But more than that, this program has given me a TON of nonscale victories.

1. I can now wear almost all of my clothes that I wore pre-pregnancy. I went down one pants size in order to fit into these clothes. Actually, maybe I should say that I can basically wear all my clothes in my closet. That honestly feels really good.
2. I wake up with the "feeling" of a flat tummy. So no more feeling extremely bloated! Yay!
3. I recognized that I needed to be eating way MORE than I was. I've been a follower and early adapter of the 2B Mindset. I have loved the freedom it's given me, but going into this program, I knew I wanted to do it as written, which is with the color-coded portion control containers. It made me realize that I need to be eating more, which is mind boggling.
4. My face is less puffy--hashimoto's can cause puffiness in the face, which I definitely had. I shared earlier this year on my Instagram stories that it made me a little self-conscious, but I can definitely tell that I am no longer puffy!
5. I've been going to the bathroom more--which is good (and maybe a little awkward to talk about)! My body is eliminating waste, which is also really good for my hormonal issues. I'm hoping to be getting rid of any excess estrogen!
6. We've been eating at home WAY more! I've been wanting to do this, but honestly, the fatigue is a battle. God has also been working in my heart about this topic as a mom and a wife. It's one of my jobs to provide meals for my family, and I'm the "gatekeeper" of the home. So I've really been convicted about buying more quality foods, cooking healthier meals, and eating at home more. We still eat out maybe once a week, but that's so much better than it was a year ago.
   
7. My resting heart rate has lowered. I wear an Apple watch and am pretty keen on what my "stats" are from day-to-day.  In general, my resting heart rate is in the upper 50s, but since eating this way, it has gone wayyyy down to the lower 50s (even 49 on some days). This is something I check daily, and I'm not sure I've ever seen it this low (except one time when on medication for C0V)d.
   
   
   
8. I think the biggest win of them all is the fact that I got my body to respond! I was following the nutrition program. I was working out. I was sleeping well. I was eating the right foods. And still my body didn't respond. I know that in the Beachbody world, this is frowned upon, but what I accomplished in these 4-weeks is learning how my body wants to be nourished...and that's with utilizing the knowledge that I have in both programs (2B Mindset and 4-Week Gut Protocol).

I know that food sensitivities and eating the wrong foods was keeping me from losing the weight. I now know that I wasn't fueling my body properly, and I wasn't eating enough of the right foods. So where am I headed now? Well, I still have healing to do and weight to lose.

When I first started sharing my Hashimoto's journey a couple weeks ago, I had a friend reach out to me and share that she, too, was just diagnosed. It was nice to be able to chat with her and pray for her, and I'm looking forward to building on our relationship. So I don't share all of this for the "look at me," but rather I want others to know that they're not alone.  Not everyone lives their life out loud like this. And that is totally okay. Not everyone is called to share their journey in a public space, and that's okay. But we can use our struggles and trials to help others.

When I shared my journey and my friend reached out to me, that encouraged me to call a new doctor. Remember, I had fired my other doctor? Well, I now have a new one. And I'm hopeful that he will be able to help me dig deeper into my healing journey. I will continue to use this way of eating, because I now know that it's working for me.

Oftentimes, I feel like I'm the exception to the rule. And this is just one example. I'm blending two nutrition programs to come up with the one that my body likes best. The absolute best part is that I'm eating all the things. I'm not depriving myself. I'm not restricting myself. I'm living in my food freedom--and that looks differently to someone with food allergies and sensitivities. Food freedom looks differently to me now than it did just a couple years ago. I'm so grateful that the Lord never leaves us. He walks with us. The only thing that I'm doing differently is walking at His pace instead of ahead of Him.

So friends, don't give up. My journey will look differently than yours. Your journey will look differently than someone else's. Each body is bioindividual. Your needs will differ than mine and vice versa. So there is no "one size fits all" when it comes to nutrition. If you want lasting change, you've got to dig real deep for it. You can find it, but it takes work and effort. Most importantly, allow the Lord to guide your steps. He shouldn't be compartmentalized. He should be Lord of this part of your life, too. Don't do this on your own. Walk with Him. And if He says that you need to walk with someone else as well, I'm here for you, too.

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Healing My Body

This past fall is really when I started digging deeper into trying to heal my body. I hadn't really gotten great answers from my doctor, so I decided that I had to take my health into my own hands. Obviously, my health has always been in my own hands, but I was trying to understand a new disease. I was reading books and following knowledgeable people on Instagram.

Dr. Izabella Wentz has really been the most helpful through her books. She's a pharmacist who also has Hashimoto's, and she has her own Hashimoto's program where she helps others. Her books are a wealth of knowledge, and they're really what encouraged me to take my healing into my own hands. She has her own protocol called, "The Hashimoto's Protocol," and it made complete sense to me when I was reading through it. So shortly after the New Year, I started doing it. I bought the supplements that made sense for me, and I embarked on this journey.

[At this point in my health journey, I was very down. It had been an entire year that I had been working towards healthier living and weightloss. But in 2021, I only lost 10 pounds. I was very discouraged for a long time. When I got my Hashimoto's diagnosis, I was hopeful that when I went completely gluten free, I would be making strides with my weightloss. But I didn't. It was a very slow season. But it was a learning season. God truly had to change my heart and change my mind.

All of January I spent on my couch. My lower back had flared (I have a previous injury), and it was so bad that I couldn't function from day to day. I hadn't exercised like I wanted to. I didn't set intentions or goals for the year because I was in so much pain. So once my new chiropractor was helping me and I was feeling "back to normal," I used February 1st as my "New Year" beginning.]

It's a Mindset Shift

The Lord has been so kind and gentle with me. He has known my fragile heart throughout this journey, and He's been good to nudge me and convict me and change me. I've already shared the biggest heart change with you, but as we've walked together on this journey, He's been good to speak right to my heart.

I fired my doctor. Yes, the one that diagnosed me with Hashimoto's. I fired him because he was wanting me to do something that I didn't want to do. I felt that he was concerned more about my weight than my overall health. I have to think that it's because he came from a conventional medicine background. He practiced for years and I'm sure he pushed medicine over the root cause approach. But I came to him because I wanted to figure out the root cause of my symptoms. I was tired of hearing, "Oh, here's a medication for you to try." At first, he was great. I'm very thankful that he diagnosed me quicker than most people get diagnosed.

But I was not okay with the constant badgering about it.  I don't want a medication for weightloss. I don't want a quick fix. Why? Because I tried those for years. Do you know what happened? It was a behavior modification. It wasn't a mindset shift. It wasn't a heart change. Those results never lasted. And if they did, I wouldn't be in this position.

Real change requires a shift. If there is no shift, there is no real change.  For so many years...through all of the Whole30s and all the struggle with binge eating and everything else, I desired the change. I even said that I had surrendered it to the Lord. And I had. But I wasn't willing to learn. I wasn't willing to be still long enough for Him to talk to me and show me what I was supposed to do.

I think that's exactly why He gave me the slowest season EVER with weightloss. Y'all. It took me a YEAR to lose TEN pounds. Seriously!! I had to dig deep into WHY I was doing this. If I never saw another pound drop from the scale, would I continue doing this? Would I continue to eat according to plan? Would I continue to move my body? Or would I quit? Well, He gave me that exact situation. I had to dig deeper than I have ever had to dig in my life. I had to connect deeply to why I was continuing to follow through with these actions. I had to be willing to wrestle with it. I had to be on my knees in prayer daily as He helped sustain me and push me through this season.

What it came down to was this: I desired healing more than I desired weightloss. Did I still want to see weightloss? Absolutely. But I knew that if I could get my hormones to regulate and heal them, my body would start to work properly and the weightloss would be a happy side effect.

Now let's shift gears a bit and talk about money. You're probably wondering if I'm off my rocker right now. HA! I'm not, I promise. When my husband and I were first married, our rent for our tiny one-bedroom apartment was more than what we brought in. Thankfully, we had a little nest egg to help us, but I also had to cut costs where I could. I learned how to coupon. [Oh my word, I blogged about it!] I even taught a couponing class to my fellow college friends in said tiny one-bedroom apartment. I was so good at getting things for free because of my couponing.

Fortunately, we are not in that same position anymore. My husband got a great job out of college and has been working extremely hard for his family ever since. But my mindset around money has been the same. I'm pretty frugal, and I still try to cut costs where I can. I don't coupon anymore, because it is somewhat more difficult to find coupons for broccoli, carrots, and ground beef (but wouldn't we all love some of those right about now?).

One of the ways the Lord helped reshape my mindset was around gluten-free foods. Now hear me when I say that just because it says "gluten-free" does NOT mean that it's healthy. There are plenty of unhealthy GF options. But there are certain things that I like to keep on hand that are gluten-free and are definitely more expensive than the conventional counterpart.

Unfortunately, I think that most things that are healthier options are more expensive. BUT I'd rather pay the farmer than the doctor. ;) So I had a revelation when I was purchasing some almond flour gnocchi to make my family's very favorite meal. I was feeling bad because they're what I would normally consider "expensive." I felt stuck in a mindset that I wouldn't be able to cook things for my family because I wasn't willing to make the purchase of food that now went with my new lifestyle [How messed up is that thinking?]. I want to be a good steward of the money that the Lord has entrusted to me. But I also need to buy food that is beneficial to my body and not harming my body. So while almond flour gnocchi is about $3 more than regular potato gnocchi is when it's on sale, He gently showed me that it's okay to sometimes "splurge" on things that will be good for my body. Sure, I may only purchase these things on sale, but the extra dollars in the grocery budget are needed and used wisely.

This definitely is a privilege, I know that. But it's a testimony to how He can change and reshape our minds and hearts if we allow Him to. I'm not one to go and spend my money on groceries, so this was something that He really needed to do a work in, and it made my food freedom more free.

In Romans 12:2, it says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

In order to be healthy spiritually, we have to be transformed in mind. There is only ONE who can do that. You can talk the talk, but if you don't actually allow Him to transform your mind to be more like Christ in all things, then the talk is worthless. I understand that talking about money sounds frivolous, but it was an issue that was actually a little crippling to me. Allowing Him to renew my mind in all areas has freed me up to think about more important things.

I am in a totally different place today than where I was just a year ago. I'm at a totally different place than where I was in January. I'm excited to keep sharing in this space, and I will share a little more in the coming days with what I've continued to learn on my journey.

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What is Food Freedom for Me?

 "It was recognizing that a gluten-free life was truly food freedom for me."

That statement hit me like a ton of bricks a couple of weeks ago. When I was going through a weird transition in my life with my health journey and coaching, I decided to open up a brand new Instagram account, especially for me. It was my way of documenting my journey without a lot of people looking in. I didn't not accept followers, but I've kept my account small so that I could keep the main thing the main thing.

Well, one day a couple weeks ago, I said the above statement in my stories. It literally was like the Holy Spirit speaking right to me when I was sharing with the people who do follow. I finally realized that food freedom meant taking out the foods that were actually harmful to MY body, even if they were a "healthy" food.

My body has sensitivities to gluten and dairy (and possibly some more foods that I'm currently unaware of). There are foods made with gluten and made with dairy that are considered "healthy," but my body cannot process them properly. They are inflaming my body, which makes me have horrible side effects, and what I didn't know...they are actually making me sicker.

Back in my Whole30 days, I truly felt that "food freedom" was being able to eat anything I ever wanted without feeling guilt or shame. But that's not food freedom. I've learned, personally, that being able to eat without guilt and shame means you have a great relationship with food. That's what everyone wants, right?

Let's dig a little bit deeper...

The word "freedom" means: the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved; the state of not being subject to or affected by (a particular undesirable thing).

I always like to look at the meaning of words because it can give me a clearer vision of what it truly means. A few years ago, I remember feeling "trapped" inside my body as I was dealing with binge eating. I was obsessed with food. I couldn't stop thinking about food. I was always looking forward to what I was going to eat next. I was hiding food and/or hiding while eating food. I was literally a slave to food at that point in my journey. I had zero control.

When I was eating foods that were making me feel bad (bloating, tummy aches, etc), I was being affected. So that's not freedom either. It has really taken me this long in my journey (many, many years) to realize that taking these foods out (being gluten/dairy free) is actually freedom to me because my body is healthier and happier.

So now when I plan my meals, I recognize that eating this way is actually freeing to me. I once saw it as a huge hinderance (and yes, there are still obstacles to overcome), but I understand the value of it.

I want to continue to be a student of my body. I want to listen to what it's telling me. Symptoms that are "common" aren't "normal. Headaches aren't normal. Cramps aren't normal. Bloating isn't normal. Belly aches aren't normal. They're common, but that's because the body is telling you something. When I started to listen in, it clued me in to what it was saying.

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God Changed My Heart

Back in January 2021, when I decided to get really focused on my nutrition and workouts, I was a little bitter. I was determined to be able to nourish my body without taking gluten and dairy out of my diet. I fully wanted to prove to myself, and to all the experts that said "If you have PCOS, you should be gluten and dairy-free." I still wanted to be able to enjoy the foods that I really liked.

I was also super bitter from having done so many rounds of Whole30. I was caught up in a vicious cycle of restricting foods, being deprived of foods, and then binging on them. It was just adding fuel to a very small fire, and it ended up being a really large, uncontrollable fire.

So when I was confronted with the idea of a gluten and dairy elimination diet by my doctor, I honestly wasn't for it at all. I was resistant to it. I had an attitude about it, and honestly, that was the exact reason I put off making an appointment with him for so long. I just did not want to do it.

Eventually, I went and I did as the doctor asked. Surprisingly, I was eager to actually do it when the time came. I was hoping that it was a simple fix, such as being gluten or dairy-free for a little bit. But when I got the results and was told that I had to be gluten-free for the rest of my life, it was shocking. It was a lot to digest. I had to sit with this idea for a long time so that I could process it.

And to be honest, when I got started, I started very slowly. I did not take all gluten out of my diet. I kept "slipping up" but having one of Henry's animal crackers here and a bite of something else there. I would end up with a stomach ache or maybe some bathroom issues, but my "will" to live a gluten-free life hadn't arrived yet.

It truly took me about 3 full months to come to grips with how I was physically feeling and the fact that I could actually feel better. So it was finally at that point that I made a commitment to converting my pantry to be gluten-free. It was also the turning point for me where I said, "NO MORE GLUTEN." And I've never looked back.

Side note: I think a lot of people want to "cheat the system." I've seen numerous questions about whether or not just limiting the intake of gluten is good enough. But as I've heard...a woman was making brownies, and she had a secret ingredient...just the tiniest piece of poop. Now, do you want a little poop in your brownies? Replace the poop with gluten. Even the tiniest bit in your system stays in your system. As I've read, it takes about 6 whole months of being 100% gluten-free to actually rid your entire system of gluten.

I Have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis

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It was May 11, 2021, and I had a doctor's appointment that day. I was so excited to hopefully be getting answers to all the weird symptoms that I was feeling. But what I didn't know is that the results would change my life.

At my first doctor's appointment, I was encouraged to do a gluten and dairy elimination test. Obviously, I wasn't any stranger to elimination tests. I eliminated gluten and dairy for three weeks. In the fourth week, I added gluten back into my diet for one day, and for the next three days, I observed any symptoms. Then I was gluten-free again, and I added dairy back in and for the next three days, I observed those symptoms.

I reported back to my doctor that I definitely had a gluten intolerance. (At the time, I probably also had a dairy intolerance, but I may have been in denial about that.) When we went over the bloodwork, he got to the thyroid portion and said, "You have autoimmune thyroiditis, so that means you'll be gluten-free permanently."

I remember talking to my mom on the phone right after the appointment in disbelief. I hadn't ever heard the phrase "autoimmune thyroiditis" before, but I had heard of Hashimoto's. So I was very confused about it all, and when I got home to research, anything that said "autoimmune thyroiditis" was related to Hashimoto's. I was also prescribed two different thyroid medications that I had to start immediately.

I had to go back to see my doctor in just a few short weeks to make sure that this medication was working for me. It's synthetic thyroid hormone, so I had to make sure my body was responding to it, and I didn't need any adjustments. So I was armed with all my questions to ask my doctor that day. I had already purchased a few books on Hashimoto's because I'm a researcher. I researched all about PCOS, and now I was going to do the same thing with Hashimoto's. I dove into my questions, and thankfully he answered them, so off I went.

I have hypothyroidism caused by Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, which means that my immune system is attacking my thyroid which in turn is slowly killing it. That means that my thyroid cannot produce enough hormones to function normally. The thyroid is in charge of many of the body's activities. It's essential to have thyroid hormone in your body.

I still feel really unknowledgeable about it all, but I'm currently managing. I keep reading books on Hashimoto's and I've become a student of my body. At first, I was okay with the thought of being gluten-free.  But the thoughts about it and actually doing it are two different things. It took about a week for my new reality to set it. I had been planning a night a week to eat out for our family. And while it's still doable, it's more difficult. I was limited on what I could eat. It was that reality that really made me start grieving my former lifestyle. [If that sounds like first-world problems, it really is!] But I wasn't about to give up.

I originally read that it was best for people with Hashimoto's to be gluten, dairy, and soy-free from the start. But based on my history of binging, I knew that taking all of those things out at once was not a good idea. To be fair, I was already soy free because of PCOS (soy mimics estrogen in the body). So that was easy. Check. I knew that I had to be gluten-free, so that's what I worked on for the next few months.

Once I figured all of this out, I just thought the weight would come off. I thought that gluten was hindering my weightloss journey, and once I took it out of my diet, I'd be golden. But that wasn't it. I continued to struggle and struggle with the weightloss aspect of this journey. Taking gluten out of my diet completely made me feel wonderful. So I knew that I was on the right track.

It did take about 3 or 4 months for the fatigue to subside and for me to start to feel "normal" again.

I took this picture on August 24th, 2021 right after lunch. I remember the day clearly--I had made lunch and cleaned it up all within minutes. This hadn't happened in probably 8 months or so. The fatigue had just overtaken my life.

My doctor had described it like this--we want the lightswitch to flip our symptoms. We want the pill or the fix or whatever it is to just work immediately. But it isn't like that. It's like a daytime alarm clock where the light starts at a very low setting and then gradually and gradually gets brighter and brighter. And that's exactly how it felt for me. Fatigue was the very worst of my symptoms, but I had other symptoms, too. They all got better as time went on.

Body Positivity and Weightloss

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At the end of 2020, I knew that I had gained weight. I had already surpassed my "heaviest" weight, but I wasn't really doing anything different. I was still eating according to my plan, and I was working out. So in the last week of December, I made a plan. I grabbed an accountability buddy, a workout program, and my meal tracker. I set to work. At this point, I had stepped back from any coaching work that I was doing. I was really needing to focus solely on my journey. I quit taking sweaty selfies. I quit recording my workouts. I quit sharing on social media. I just wanted to do this for me.

Christmas 2020--I have never really liked any picture of myself, but when I was looking for a picture last week, I stumbled upon this one. This had been my "norm" after having gained the weight. I now know that you don't realize it until you can look back to see how far you've really come.

I submitted my food tracker to my friend every day, which honestly was difficult at first. No one had ever seen how much I weighed. Not only that, I had to be honest about what I ate, which held me to a standard and kept me accountable. I didn't necessarily want to have a "perfect" day of eating, but I wanted to make this my lifestyle, which meant treats here and there. This was not going to be another battle with food. This was about learning to love food and knowing how to fuel my body properly.

At this point in my journey, I had gotten into my own head. I had been hearing some voices and thoughts about this journey and how it shouldn't be about weight loss. I kept hearing the phrase "weight release," and how we shouldn't refer to it as weightloss (it's the same thing...call a spade a spade). The #bodypositivitymovement is definitely something that can be this way. There are thoughts about how you should love your body where you're at, and you don't have to lose weight to love it.  I had also been hearing thoughts about how we should steward our bodies well because it's where the Holy Spirit resides, and we should think beyond weightloss.

It took me a long time to sort through these things. I had to bathe this in prayer because honestly, I wasn't sure what I should be thinking or saying. I wasn't sure what I should put out there on social media for everyone to read. I didn't want to lead anyone astray or make them think a certain thing about their own journey, and honestly, I didn't want to take myself down a harmful path.

So here's what the Lord guided me to, and what we came up with together:

My body is a good body. It has served me well in the 30-some-odd years that I've been on this earth. I am especially more grateful for what it did through my pregnancy and birth. I thought it was broken because that's what many doctors had told me. But it's a great body, and I can be thankful that it gets me where I need to go! I can also recognize that it definitely could stand to lose some pounds. 

 

Just because I think it could lose some weight doesn't mean that I hate it. Yes, I do understand that the Holy Spirit lives in my body, and my body was made as a temple for the Holy Spirit. I understand that I get one body (on earth...can't wait for those heavenly bodies...am I right?!), and I am to take care of it well. But I am not to idolize my body. I shouldn't elevate it to the state where all I'm thinking about is my body. I shouldn't be obsessing over every little thing I put in my mouth, and I should be obsessing over what it looks like or my body's relationship with gravity. 

 

I can say proudly that "I am the daughter of the Most High God. I want to take care of my body, because He entrusted it to me. I recognize that I haven't taken the best care of it in the past, and unfortuntely my body shows it, but I will do my best to steward it well. I will eat nutritiously and move it, and hopefully my body will reflect that."

So, yes...I love my body. I want to steward it well, and I want to lose some weight.

Friends, if I could encourage you for a moment, I want to say this: there are so many voices out there telling us what we are and what we're not. There are a lot of things being said to us, and we have to use the "Jesus filter" to figure out what is right and what is wrong. God gave us His Word so that we might be able to discern truth. Not someone else's truth. Not your truth. HIS truth. When you turn things over to Him, He will help you sift through the things to help you see what is right.

By March, I was struggling. I was working out and eating right, and I had barely lost 10 lbs. I knew that something wasn't right. It was also at this time I was struggling with the fatigue. I couldn't keep going on like this...not when I knew how it felt to feel good. But Satan was definitely at work through this. I had thoughts that I didn't want any more kids if this was how motherhood was going to go. I couldn't believe that others had more than one kid because I felt like I was drowning. I'm not saying any of this to be dramatic. It's truly how I felt at the time.

I had come through the postpartum depression and the pandemic depression, only to feel defeated. I knew I had to do something, so it was then that I made an appointment with a new doctor. The more I've learned about health, the more I desire to do things as naturally as possible. Yes, I believe there is definitely a place for modern medicine, but I wanted to keep my options open. I made the appointment with the functional medicine doctor, and right off the bat, I knew it was going to be a different path.

After my first appointment, I had hope for the first time. There was no, "You just need to lose weight." I was met with compassion and belief about my symptoms, something I hadn't ever experienced before. He ordered some lab tests for me, and off I went.

My History

Missed the first part? Check it out here.

The worst of my symptoms was debilitating fatigue. But I wasn't a stranger to being tired, because I had a toddler. I remember asking my sister-in-law one day how tired she felt because she too had a toddler. I remember just telling her that I was exhausted by the end of the day, and she said the same thing.  The one thing I didn't tell her was that I didn't have any energy to spend doing things with my son. I could barely get up and make breakfast. If I did make breakfast, I couldn't clean up the dishes. I spent several months in this state. No matter how much sleep I got at night, I was still completely wiped by 9 am.

I had been working daily on my health journey. I was eating the right foods. I was following an eating plan, and I knew it worked.  It had worked prior to getting pregnant, but I wasn't seeing much progress at all. Now...to understand the lessons that the Lord has taught me over the last year and a half, you must understand more of my history.

Before getting pregnant, I had struggled with binge eating disorder, but in some strange way, being pregnant helped me with that. It wasn't as big of a struggle for me once I had my son. I'm not sure why that is, but I was working furiously at changing my relationship with food. I knew I needed a better relationship with it, as I had been very much in one extreme or another.

In 2014, I found the Whole30 program and used it as a way to live life. I had completed 8 rounds in just a few years, and I thought it had changed my life. Reading the book about finding food freedom forever is what I needed, and I really wanted to find it. But in reality, the program (which should be used as a 30-day elimination diet and nothing more) started the process of ruining my relationship with food. It makes you take out all inflammatory foods (gluten, dairy, grains, legumes, sugar, alcohol), doesn't allow you to recreate any sort of baked goods using "approved" foods, and it doesn't allow you to step on the scale at all for the 30 days.

I'm a black and white person...who's learning to live in a grey world. But this program was one I could definitely follow since it had strict guidelines. But instead of using the knowledge I learned from the round of the program, I began to see this as my lifestyle...a Whole365. As a perfectionist, it was so hard when I couldn't sustain it. Looking back, I see that it wasn't meant to be sustained. But what it did do was put me in a vicious cycle of restriction (taking out foods), deprivation (not having them for a long time), and binging (once I could have them, I couldn't stop). It was a cycle that began in 2014 and didn't slow down for the next 4 years. It consumed my thoughts and my actions.

Hi! I'm Beth!

Okay, okay, okay. Today's the day. Today I'm going to start writing again. My husband hooked up a monitor and keyboard to my laptop and I just feel inspired to write. I think it's because that's exactly how I used to write...on a desktop. I think the inspiration will keep coming as I keep writing, because honestly, although I've wanted to start writing again, I have felt that I have nothing to share. I know that's not true, but I personally haven't been inspired by anything.

So I'm just going to start with what I know best...and that's my story. Since I haven't been in this space for a long time, I'm going to take some time to reintroduce myself and share my health journey with you. Why my health journey? Because I haven't shared anything publicly on social media about it in a long time, and because the Lord has been working in my life and especially in this area. I want to share it with you, and I need to share it with you.

Hi. I'm Beth. I'm a 30-something-year-old wife and mom. I've been married to my husband for almost 11 years, and we have an almost 3-year-old boy as well as an 8-year-old dog. I started this blog when my husband and I were living in St. Louis as newlyweds. Some years later and a few moves later, we are back in Missouri living life!

I started this blog as a way to share what I had been learning as a new wife. It then kind of morphed into a blog to share my health journey. And here I am years later, still sharing my health journey. BUT I've learned so much, and I want to share that with you, too.

So....if you've been around a while, you probably know most of my story. If not...buckle up. 

You can get a refresher here, here, here, and here. 

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome when I was 15 years old. I didn't share that with many people at all until about 9 years ago. I thought I was alone in my struggle, and when I finally opened up about it and what I was going through, I had an outpouring of women coming to me and sharing that they, too, had PCOS. I didn't feel as alone.  So I made it my mission to keep sharing so that others wouldn't feel alone. Because they aren't alone...and neither are you.

I have kept up to date with information and research on PCOS because I've wanted to know how to help myself. Every doctor that I've ever seen has just said, "lose weight." And friends, I wish it was just that easy. But it's not. I shared my knowledge on my social media for years during the month of September. Why? Because someone I would talk to would tell me, "Oh, I need you to talk to ____, because she just found out she had PCOS." I'm not an expert. There are many experts out there and women who actually specialize in helping women with PCOS. But I shared my knowledge with those in my circle. It made me feel like I had a purpose.

I started my health journey in 2013 because I had hoped that one day I'd have a baby. Most of my doctors had told me that I would need help getting pregnant if I could get pregnant at all. So I started out on a journey to get healthy so that I could give myself the best chance to get pregnant and sustain the life of my unborn baby.

Fast forward to 2018, I got pregnant fairly quickly when we started trying. I was so surprised, but friends...that was God.  I had a healthy pregnancy and in 2019, we welcomed a baby boy who is now a hurricane of a toddler. The end of 2019 brought post-partum depression, and the beginning of 2020 brought a pandemic and with that, it brought more depression. So I was depressed for a long time. It was so hard.

The summer of 2020 brought dreams that I didn't know could be dreams. In early June, my husband brought up the idea of moving back home. I was literally shocked because I figured that I'd be living in Oklahoma the rest of my life. I was okay with living in Oklahoma for the rest of my life. But God knew deep down how much I needed my family. He knew deep down how much I wanted to be near my family. Long story short, we moved home at the very end of Summer 2020. But then heading into 2021, I had a whole new set of symptoms.

I was newly focused on my journey once again, but I just couldn't lose any weight no matter what. This wasn't a new concept since it's really difficult to lose with PCOS, but it just felt harder. I finally gave in and made an appointment with a new doctor. I had labs and appointments and at last, I finally had a diagnosis: Hashimoto's. With that came new diet challenges--I was now permanently gluten free. That's all I knew about Hashimoto's, so I knew that I had a lot of research to do.

You can find part 2 here.