The Miracle of Life

When I share my miracle baby story with others, I feel like they think I've lied to them. But that isn't the case...I just haven't truly been 100% transparent because this is a journey that's so private, and I have a lot of hurting friends.  But God is a BIG God, and He truly deserves ALL the praise in this story, so I'm sharing today in hopes that I can encourage you.


When I was 15 years old, I was formally diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS for short.  I was told that it would be difficult to get pregnant.  I was told that I could go on birth control to regulate my cycle and metformin to control my weight and all sorts of other medication to help where needed.

At 15, I didn't care.  I didn't do anything to help my body.  At 18, after I graduated high school, I made the decision with my parents to go on birth control so that I could live a somewhat normal life at college.  Ten years later, I took myself off of it with no intention of getting pregnant.  I just knew it was making me crazy...and it was.  But that's a story for a different day.

In April 2013, I started my health and fitness journey. I knew I needed to lose the "married weight" that I had gained, and it was then that I started really digging into PCOS and what it meant for my life.  I knew that one day I would want to have a family...even though the thought of having kids scared the crap out of me.  I knew that I would need to change my lifestyle in order for it to happen.

I really dug into the research of PCOS:

• Women with PCOS have a higher risk of miscarriage.
• PCOS is the number one reason for infertility.
• In pregnancy, women with PCOS have a higher risk for gestational diabetes, larger babies, and preterm birth.
• Women with PCOS have a higher risk for Type 2 diabetes, metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, depression, sleep apnea, anxiety, endometrial cancer, and so much more.

Okay...great. So having a family was probably going to be difficult.  But I continued to research and I learned that I could control so many different factors if I just watched my diet and I exercised. If you've been following me on social media for very long or you know me in real life, you know that my eating has been a source of pain in my life.

From restriction and deprivation to binge eating to restriction and deprivation to binge eating...the cycle went around and around and around. I couldn't get off that carousel of disastrous behavior.  About a year ago, a food freedom course was released that I decided to take.  It was kind of like a class with some videos that I watched and really learned the why and how behind the program. I then implemented right away.  I was still so skeptical because I was allowed to eat things that I had been restricting and depriving myself of.  But I kept going with the program.

I was on the road to healing myself of so many mental aspects of the deprivation and restriction. I was on the road to healing my body.  I was on the road to leveling my hormones out.  I was on the road to feeling the best I have ever felt...inside and out.

In November 2018, I turned 30 years old.  As I got closer to that number, I realized that it may be time to start trying to have a family.  After all, I had no idea how long it would take because of all the statistics stacked against me.  We hadn't really wanted kids before...and if I'm being completely honest, I haven't had that longing to be a mom my entire life like so many women do.

**Before I share the next few things, please let me say that I am not against modern medicine. It's a great thing sometimes.  It's needed sometimes.  I am not looking down on anyone who chooses to go a different route than I have. This is simply my story.

But I knew this:  I did not want to go on any medication.  I had researched the various medications that can be used to help women conceive.  I had researched the medications that help women lose weight.  To me, the side effects were not worth it.  I also knew that adoption has never been off the table for us.  When Tyler and I were dating and getting a little more serious, I told him that I didn't know if I'd be able to get pregnant.  Thankfully, that wasn't an issue for him, but we talked a lot about adoption.  I also told him that IVF wasn't an option for me.

So back to the story...I have never missed a yearly appointment with my OBGYN.  That's the only doctor that I've ever seen on a regular basis.  I wanted to be sure that I listened to what she has had to say, any advice she could give, and for a long time, I just needed to go so that I could renew my birth control prescription.

She has always asked if we were ready to get pregnant and the answer was always "NO!!!" until October 2018.  I told her that my upcoming birthday was definitely making us consider it.  Can I just say that she has been one of the most encouraging doctors that I've ever had?!  She has never once talked to me about my weight. She has never once considered that PCOS might just be a huge hindrance in getting pregnant. She wasn't concerned about my age. She was not negative at all.  She simply said, "We don't call it infertility until you've been trying for over a year. So have fun with it."  She ordered some baseline bloodwork for me so that we would know where all my hormone levels were at, and that was it.

At this point in time, I had regulated my cycles to about every 74-76 days (this was coming from months and months and months of no natural cycle).  It had been consistent for several months, so I knew that if we started trying after my doctor's appointment, it would probably be about January before I'd need to take a pregnancy test.

I put off my bloodwork for about 6 or 7 weeks.  I was mainly just worried about my HA1C levels.  I wanted to get a few more weeks of good, healthy eating in before I went to get it done.  The day before I decided to get get my bloodwork done, I took 4 pregnancy tests...which all came back positive.

Complete shock is the feeling that came over me.  I knew on that Thursday morning that I would need to go get my bloodwork done...so I went the next day.  The next Monday, I had a call from my doctor...confirming my 4 home pregnancy tests.  I think she was as shocked as I was!

At my pregnancy confirmation appointment, I met with the NP who had looked over my chart.  She simply laughed and reminded me of how great a story I had.  She wasn't wrong, but it took several months to grasp what God had done.

HE did this.  I may have learned how to treat my body and honor Him with it, but HE was the One who answered my deepest desires.  And He is the One who continues to answer my prayers...the fact that I've been able to carry our Little Cheerio for 28 weeks so far and the fact that I passed the Gestational Diabetes test...and I didn't just pass.  I passed on the first time with 10 points to spare.

Can I just say that in all the glucose tests I've had before...none of them have come back in the normal range? They've all been slightly elevated. Yet...God answered.  He answered and He proved me wrong.

Science is a good thing.  It helps us understand sometimes.  But God is greater than science.  He is bigger than the statistics.  This little miracle of life has proven that to me time and again.

I want to continue sharing my journey...and I will.  It may take a few days, but I want to share my pregnancy experience with you.  But I felt that I needed to share the honest story on how God has worked in our lives and how Little Cheerio came to be.

The Lord is good.  He's good even when things don't work out the way we want them to.  He's good in the midst of struggle and heartache.  He is good when the prayer is answered.  He is good.  Trust in Him, friends. <3

Four Years of Missing You

Prior to Tuesday, May 19, 2015, I was so hopeful for that year.  But that morning, I got a text message that shocked me to my core.  Granny had a stroke.  A couple of hours later, I got a phone call telling me that I should come home...there probably wasn't much time.

Alone in my car for five hours as I drove across the state of Missouri, I had a while to think.  I thought of every good thing about my Granny...how she loved others, how she cared for others, how she never thought twice about doing kind things for others.  She was a servant.  I thought a lot about my own life.  Where was it going?  What good thing did I have going?  My relationship with Jesus was more of an SOS-relationship.  I called on Him when I needed Him.

At that point, my mom had been inviting me to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). Although we lived hours apart, the study was offered in St. Louis...in several different locations.  I had looked into it, but I never jumped at the chance to go.  She continued to invite me for four years.

I remember so vividly making a decision in my car that I was going to turn my life around...quit living for myself...and I was going to work on my relationship with Jesus.  I made a commitment that day to seek out a BSF class.  Unfortunately, BSF is on a schedule that coincides with the school schedule.  So they had already let out for summer break, and I had to wait until September to join.

I got to the hospital with time to spare, because she was still talking.  Her eyes were closed, but she was talking.  Her speech was slurred because half of her body was paralyzed, but she knew who I was and she automatically asked about Tyler.  He was in Detroit that week for work and wasn't with me. I talked to her. I held her hand.  I don't know how much longer it was before she didn't respond...it may have been a few hours.

My family is large.  We are weird.  We do things differently.  But we love Jesus.  The majority of us got to be there with her at the hospital...in her room...for days.  The staff at the local hospital was very kind to us in allowing us ALL to be there.  I grew up in a small town, so most of the staff knew us anyway.  But that's one thing I won't forget in all of this...the kindness they showed to us.

Granny taught little kids at church.  In fact, the Sunday prior, she was teaching.  She also taught a Sunday School for adults with mental disabilities.  She loved singing with her kids and adults.  She loved to sing with her grandkids.

Remember how I said we are weird?  One of the first holidays that Tyler spent with my extended family, a sheet of paper was passed out with music on it.  We gathered in a circle and sang before we prayed for the meal.  I'm surprised he's still around, in all honesty!! :)

So while Granny was in the hospital, we sang to her...hymns, children's songs, our family song...we even wrote the words to her favorite hymn on the hospital board. :)  I told you...we are weird.

We didn't know what to expect. We didn't know when Jesus would call her home.  So that evening, we all prayed together before we left the hospital.  We said our "see ya laters," and we headed home for some sleep.

It was a long few days.  On Thursday, my husband finally had made his trip to me.  He arrived at Granny's house at the same time the ambulance brought Granny home.  Granny absolutely hated hospitals and doctors.  We knew that she would rather be at home.  So we got permission to bring her home with the care of a hospice nurse.

We gathered in her home with no care of how quiet we should have been.  Granny loved her crazy family, and she would have loved having us all there.  Unfortunately, it was a party to send her Home.  The girls were celebrating awaiting her Homecoming with a tea party...which she also would have loved so very much.

On Friday, May 22, 2015, shortly after sunrise (her favorite time of day), Jesus called her Home.  I was truly so happy that she was no longer suffering here. But in the months to come, I was literally heartbroken.

Fall of 2015, I joined my first study in BSF.  That year, we were studying Revelation.  If you're not familiar with BSF, it is a very in-depth study.  I had no clue what I had gotten myself into.  Fast forward to December and we moved to Oklahoma City.  I knew that I wanted to finish out the study because it was so good.  I joined a class here, and I'm so glad I did!

As I look back on what Revelation taught me...it's that Granny was in heaven with her Savior.  As much as she loved her family, she loved her Jesus more.  She wouldn't want to come back here after meeting Him.  I was okay with that.