Monday, July 11, 2011

Lessons from the Spice Rack

Honor.  Now, I'm not sure a lot of spouses use this word to describe their relationship much these days.  You usually think of honor saved for veterans of war, someone worthy of praise, or even Christ.  Our goal should be to honor Christ with our entire life.  How about our husbands?  Shouldn't they feel honored?

As part of honoring Christ, we should be honoring our husbands as well.  This is something totally new for me.  Now, I've been dating Tyler for over 2 years now. The relationship isn't new to me. In fact, I've learned a lot just being in this relationship with him.  The new part is putting my wants and needs after his.  They say it takes roughly six weeks to form a new habit.  Ok, I might believe that.  What I'm pretty sure of is that it takes waaaaaay longer to unlearn a bad habit.  

I'm not saying that I have lots of bad habits.  I just have habits that have been happening for 20 years or more.  Tyler is my one and only boyfriend, so when he came into my life, I had to unlearn some of my habits of the single life.  For instance, I am a very independent girl.  I can make an entire meal by myself.  I can go to the mall by myself, and for pete's sake, I can go to the bathroom by myself.  

We were in the kitchen one night, making supper.  I needed a certain spice and he was standing in front of the cabinet it was in.  Instead of just saying, "Hey honey, please hand me the _________spice from the cabinet," I walked all the way around him, opened the cabinet and tried to grab it myself. One of the things Tyler brought to my attention that evening, is that I need to make him feel needed in this relationship.  He was right there.  I could have just asked him to hand it to me.  Instead, my independent habit butted into our relationship and I thought I had to get in myself.  Can we say selfish?

When I ask him to do things for me, it makes him feel needed.  When he feels needed in the relationship, he feels loved.  Honoring my (future) husband is doing what is pleasing to him.  If he needs to feel needed, I can darn sure try to make him feel that way.  In fact, he has no clue, but I have lots of things he could do for me!! :]

Another way I feel that I can honor him by is always telling people the fun, positive things about him.  I know there are going to be days that aren't fun, fights that are fought, and feelings that are hurt.  But those things need to be kept between me and him.  No one else needs to know those details.  Not even our parents.  I can be the one that brags to my friends about how great he is.  

In Ephesians 4 verse 29 it says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." 

I'm to be the encouraging wife.  I may need affirmation in our relationship, but so does he.  Is there anything better in life than overhearing someone talking about how great you are?  It sure is a wonderful feeling, and I want to make my husband feel loved, cherished, and honored with everything that I say and do.

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