2020: A Year in Review

It's the week between Christmas and New Years...the week that no one knows what day it is and what you're supposed to be doing. It's actually one of my very favorite weeks of the year. Weird, right? It's the week that I get to slow down to reflect on the year and look toward the new year. I love it. I don't have to think about Christmas presents or gatherings. We don't have to travel. We get to stay home and gear up for a new year.

It's the week that I try to sit down and think about the goals I want to set for myself. I'm not really one for New Year's Resolutions, but maybe it's the same thing. I don't know. I pray over a word for the year to focus on and I try to narrow it down by the first. I write out my goals, and I get ready to bring in a fresh new year. And I am fervently praying that 2021 will be a good year for everyone.

2020 wasn't a horrible year, but it wasn't a super amazing year.  It started out, for me, recognizing that I had postpartum depression. I made the decision to be fully weaned from my breast pump by the first of the year, and as hard as it was at the time to make that decision, it was the best decision for me.  Here I am a year later and I truly understand that it takes about a year after breastfeeding stops to fully feel like yourself again.

March came, and I was fully planning on spending a "Spring Break" at my parents' house. My husband was supposed to be traveling for work, so I was going to spend the 8 or 9 days with my mom and dad so that I could have a little bit of help with Henry.  Well, we all know that March is when the world came to a halt.  It was weird. My husband came home from work one day and never went back...which was the biggest blessing that we didn't know about until months later.

It was difficult being a mom with an infant and not being able to get out of the house. I try to get out of the house at least once a week so that I can feel somewhat "normal." I need it. But when the virus was brand new and no one knew much of anything, it was scary to think about going out with an infant. So we stayed home.

The summer came, and my husband proposed an idea to me in late June or early July. His new position at work was a permanent "work from home" position. That meant he could literally work from anywhere as long as he had internet. So while we always dreamed we would eventually move back to Springfield if we could, we made the decision to move to Joplin instead.

That was the best decision for our family, and I will never not be emotional over it. I needed it. I needed to be closer to my family. I needed to know that if I needed help with Henry, I could have it at a moments notice.  It was a huge answer to prayer...a prayer that I've prayed for many, many years. The one thing that sucks most about becoming an adult is that you come to understand the fragility of life more. At least, that is what has been on my mind since 2015. This year, it's definitely been at the forefront of my mind.

And here we are...the end of 2020. More than anything, I pray this next year will be a year that continues to bring me closer to Jesus. If I don't hit a single goal...I just want to have a closer relationship with Jesus. That's all that matters. I pray that, you too, will have a closer relationship with Him this year. <3 

Pivot

When I commit to something, I go all in.  I want to see it through, and I want to see it succeed. Whatever it is. But I can get caught up in that...and when something isn't working, I have a hard time letting it go. I want things to be perfect. If it's not working, I want to fix it so it will work.  But sometimes things are only in our lives for a season. Making decisions of what things stay and which go is the hard part.

The Lord has really been whispering to me over the last few months. I say whispering because I always pray for Him to give me a flashing neon sign. Sometimes I have a difficult time figuring out if something is from Him or if it's my own selfish desire. I need Him to be very clear. But this time, His whispers have had me questioning everything.

The year 2020 brought a major change of moving closer to our family. I don't want to squander any opportunity that I have to hang out with them. I don't want to have to say "no" to them because of some silly obligation. With our move came a brand new church. And while we haven't quite settled in yet, we have been enjoying the weekly teachings. Boy, have they challenged me. They aren't messages that I can just leave at church on Sunday, but ones that have brought thought and questions to my life through the week. So while I continue to chew on each of them, I have some of my own questions.

What does He have for me?
What things does He want me to make a priority?
Where am I called in this season of motherhood?
What things can I let go of?

Letting go is hard for me, as I mentioned. But I want to live a life of surrender...instead of grasping something with white knuckles, I want to have open hands. After all, the only titles and positions I'm filling are because the Lord has given them to me.  He brought this idea of a pivot into my mind. The word "pivot" means to modify while retaining some continuity according to dictionary.com. While I am continuing to move forward with my life, some things definitely need to be modified. And as we head into the New Year, I need to make some decisions. I need to pivot directions while staying grounded in the One whose foundation I stand on.

What will stay?

What will go?

What about you? Do you have things that you need to let go of? Do you have things you need to make a priority? How do you go about figuring those things out?