God Changed My Heart

Back in January 2021, when I decided to get really focused on my nutrition and workouts, I was a little bitter. I was determined to be able to nourish my body without taking gluten and dairy out of my diet. I fully wanted to prove to myself, and to all the experts that said "If you have PCOS, you should be gluten and dairy-free." I still wanted to be able to enjoy the foods that I really liked.

I was also super bitter from having done so many rounds of Whole30. I was caught up in a vicious cycle of restricting foods, being deprived of foods, and then binging on them. It was just adding fuel to a very small fire, and it ended up being a really large, uncontrollable fire.

So when I was confronted with the idea of a gluten and dairy elimination diet by my doctor, I honestly wasn't for it at all. I was resistant to it. I had an attitude about it, and honestly, that was the exact reason I put off making an appointment with him for so long. I just did not want to do it.

Eventually, I went and I did as the doctor asked. Surprisingly, I was eager to actually do it when the time came. I was hoping that it was a simple fix, such as being gluten or dairy-free for a little bit. But when I got the results and was told that I had to be gluten-free for the rest of my life, it was shocking. It was a lot to digest. I had to sit with this idea for a long time so that I could process it.

And to be honest, when I got started, I started very slowly. I did not take all gluten out of my diet. I kept "slipping up" but having one of Henry's animal crackers here and a bite of something else there. I would end up with a stomach ache or maybe some bathroom issues, but my "will" to live a gluten-free life hadn't arrived yet.

It truly took me about 3 full months to come to grips with how I was physically feeling and the fact that I could actually feel better. So it was finally at that point that I made a commitment to converting my pantry to be gluten-free. It was also the turning point for me where I said, "NO MORE GLUTEN." And I've never looked back.

Side note: I think a lot of people want to "cheat the system." I've seen numerous questions about whether or not just limiting the intake of gluten is good enough. But as I've heard...a woman was making brownies, and she had a secret ingredient...just the tiniest piece of poop. Now, do you want a little poop in your brownies? Replace the poop with gluten. Even the tiniest bit in your system stays in your system. As I've read, it takes about 6 whole months of being 100% gluten-free to actually rid your entire system of gluten.

I've come to realize that through all of my "experience" with food that God was preparing me for this moment. I already knew how to eat gluten-free because of my Whole30 experience. I didn't have to learn this way of life, because I had already learned how to read the labels. It wasn't an easy transition whatsoever, but I know that it could have been more difficult.

I also realized the gentleness of God's love through all of this. I may need to take more foods out of my diet as I figure out exactly which ones make me feel miserable, but just taking gluten out and getting used to the idea of being gluten-free has been helpful for me. It is completely overwhelming when you try to overhaul your diet completely at the same time. But taking one thing out at a time is much more manageable.

I knew that dairy was also something that I may need to leave out of my diet, but I wasn't ready to do that quite yet. I was still in denial that dairy was making me feel bad, and there was just no way that I was going to be able to give up cheese. But really, I needed the time to just be gluten-free so that I could really see and feel what that meant for my life.

I asked the Lord to specifically walk this journey with me. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do this on my own, and He has never once left my side. He's guided me and sustained me. He's nudged me, and more than anything He's changed my heart through all of this.

I no longer have a bitter attitude towards eating this way. I was bitter for a bit. I mean, I had lived 32.5 years loving and eating those foods that I now had to give up. I really needed to grieve that life in a way that I could give this "new" life a fresh outlook. Sometimes people say to me, "Oh well, I'm allergic to ____, but I just eat it anyway." I can't do that. The effects of eating gluten (on accident or on purpose) stay in my system for days. So not only will I be feeling miserable in the present, but also for the next 3-4 days, if not longer.

Earlier in my journey, I would do that. I would be tempted and I would give in. But now, it's no longer an issue. I don't want to eat the item with gluten because I know how bad I will feel and what the effects will be. I credit that to the Lord because I was really lamenting bread (and gluten-free bread is just not the same). So it has required discipline, but it's also required the change of heart that God has given me.

Yes, on occasion, I do still get tempted. Just a couple weeks ago, I was at an event where I brought most of my own food. The desserts that were served there looked amazing, and the thought of eating them was tempting. But it wasn't an option for me. So the temptation was there, but God gave me the strength to get through the moment and realize how bad of a decision it would be for me.

I realize, as I'm writing this, how easy it is for me to say that "God changed my heart." That is easy. But the process to get here has been a painful one. It's been a year and a half of working day-in and day-out, truly a moment-by-moment process, on this change. Each revelation has added up and gotten me to this point. It was praying for cravings to subside. It was un-learning some things. It was re-learning how to fuel my body, and it was recognizing that a gluten-free life was truly food freedom for me.

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Part 1
Part 2
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Part 4