The Lord has been so kind and gentle with me. He has known my fragile heart throughout this journey, and He's been good to nudge me and convict me and change me. I've already shared the biggest heart change with you, but as we've walked together on this journey, He's been good to speak right to my heart.
I fired my doctor. Yes, the one that diagnosed me with Hashimoto's. I fired him because he was wanting me to do something that I didn't want to do. I felt that he was concerned more about my weight than my overall health. I have to think that it's because he came from a conventional medicine background. He practiced for years and I'm sure he pushed medicine over the root cause approach. But I came to him because I wanted to figure out the root cause of my symptoms. I was tired of hearing, "Oh, here's a medication for you to try." At first, he was great. I'm very thankful that he diagnosed me quicker than most people get diagnosed.
But I was not okay with the constant badgering about it. I don't want a medication for weightloss. I don't want a quick fix. Why? Because I tried those for years. Do you know what happened? It was a behavior modification. It wasn't a mindset shift. It wasn't a heart change. Those results never lasted. And if they did, I wouldn't be in this position.
Real change requires a shift. If there is no shift, there is no real change. For so many years...through all of the Whole30s and all the struggle with binge eating and everything else, I desired the change. I even said that I had surrendered it to the Lord. And I had. But I wasn't willing to learn. I wasn't willing to be still long enough for Him to talk to me and show me what I was supposed to do.
I think that's exactly why He gave me the slowest season EVER with weightloss. Y'all. It took me a YEAR to lose TEN pounds. Seriously!! I had to dig deep into WHY I was doing this. If I never saw another pound drop from the scale, would I continue doing this? Would I continue to eat according to plan? Would I continue to move my body? Or would I quit? Well, He gave me that exact situation. I had to dig deeper than I have ever had to dig in my life. I had to connect deeply to why I was continuing to follow through with these actions. I had to be willing to wrestle with it. I had to be on my knees in prayer daily as He helped sustain me and push me through this season.
What it came down to was this: I desired healing more than I desired weightloss. Did I still want to see weightloss? Absolutely. But I knew that if I could get my hormones to regulate and heal them, my body would start to work properly and the weightloss would be a happy side effect.
Now let's shift gears a bit and talk about money. You're probably wondering if I'm off my rocker right now. HA! I'm not, I promise. When my husband and I were first married, our rent for our tiny one-bedroom apartment was more than what we brought in. Thankfully, we had a little nest egg to help us, but I also had to cut costs where I could. I learned how to coupon. [Oh my word, I blogged about it!] I even taught a couponing class to my fellow college friends in said tiny one-bedroom apartment. I was so good at getting things for free because of my couponing.
Fortunately, we are not in that same position anymore. My husband got a great job out of college and has been working extremely hard for his family ever since. But my mindset around money has been the same. I'm pretty frugal, and I still try to cut costs where I can. I don't coupon anymore, because it is somewhat more difficult to find coupons for broccoli, carrots, and ground beef (but wouldn't we all love some of those right about now?).
One of the ways the Lord helped reshape my mindset was around gluten-free foods. Now hear me when I say that just because it says "gluten-free" does NOT mean that it's healthy. There are plenty of unhealthy GF options. But there are certain things that I like to keep on hand that are gluten-free and are definitely more expensive than the conventional counterpart.
Unfortunately, I think that most things that are healthier options are more expensive. BUT I'd rather pay the farmer than the doctor. ;) So I had a revelation when I was purchasing some almond flour gnocchi to make my family's very favorite meal. I was feeling bad because they're what I would normally consider "expensive." I felt stuck in a mindset that I wouldn't be able to cook things for my family because I wasn't willing to make the purchase of food that now went with my new lifestyle [How messed up is that thinking?]. I want to be a good steward of the money that the Lord has entrusted to me. But I also need to buy food that is beneficial to my body and not harming my body. So while almond flour gnocchi is about $3 more than regular potato gnocchi is when it's on sale, He gently showed me that it's okay to sometimes "splurge" on things that will be good for my body. Sure, I may only purchase these things on sale, but the extra dollars in the grocery budget are needed and used wisely.
This definitely is a privilege, I know that. But it's a testimony to how He can change and reshape our minds and hearts if we allow Him to. I'm not one to go and spend my money on groceries, so this was something that He really needed to do a work in, and it made my food freedom more free.
In Romans 12:2, it says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
In order to be healthy spiritually, we have to be transformed in mind. There is only ONE who can do that. You can talk the talk, but if you don't actually allow Him to transform your mind to be more like Christ in all things, then the talk is worthless. I understand that talking about money sounds frivolous, but it was an issue that was actually a little crippling to me. Allowing Him to renew my mind in all areas has freed me up to think about more important things.
I am in a totally different place today than where I was just a year ago. I'm at a totally different place than where I was in January. I'm excited to keep sharing in this space, and I will share a little more in the coming days with what I've continued to learn on my journey.
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