2020: A Year in Review

It's the week between Christmas and New Years...the week that no one knows what day it is and what you're supposed to be doing. It's actually one of my very favorite weeks of the year. Weird, right? It's the week that I get to slow down to reflect on the year and look toward the new year. I love it. I don't have to think about Christmas presents or gatherings. We don't have to travel. We get to stay home and gear up for a new year.

It's the week that I try to sit down and think about the goals I want to set for myself. I'm not really one for New Year's Resolutions, but maybe it's the same thing. I don't know. I pray over a word for the year to focus on and I try to narrow it down by the first. I write out my goals, and I get ready to bring in a fresh new year. And I am fervently praying that 2021 will be a good year for everyone.

2020 wasn't a horrible year, but it wasn't a super amazing year.  It started out, for me, recognizing that I had postpartum depression. I made the decision to be fully weaned from my breast pump by the first of the year, and as hard as it was at the time to make that decision, it was the best decision for me.  Here I am a year later and I truly understand that it takes about a year after breastfeeding stops to fully feel like yourself again.

March came, and I was fully planning on spending a "Spring Break" at my parents' house. My husband was supposed to be traveling for work, so I was going to spend the 8 or 9 days with my mom and dad so that I could have a little bit of help with Henry.  Well, we all know that March is when the world came to a halt.  It was weird. My husband came home from work one day and never went back...which was the biggest blessing that we didn't know about until months later.

It was difficult being a mom with an infant and not being able to get out of the house. I try to get out of the house at least once a week so that I can feel somewhat "normal." I need it. But when the virus was brand new and no one knew much of anything, it was scary to think about going out with an infant. So we stayed home.

The summer came, and my husband proposed an idea to me in late June or early July. His new position at work was a permanent "work from home" position. That meant he could literally work from anywhere as long as he had internet. So while we always dreamed we would eventually move back to Springfield if we could, we made the decision to move to Joplin instead.

That was the best decision for our family, and I will never not be emotional over it. I needed it. I needed to be closer to my family. I needed to know that if I needed help with Henry, I could have it at a moments notice.  It was a huge answer to prayer...a prayer that I've prayed for many, many years. The one thing that sucks most about becoming an adult is that you come to understand the fragility of life more. At least, that is what has been on my mind since 2015. This year, it's definitely been at the forefront of my mind.

And here we are...the end of 2020. More than anything, I pray this next year will be a year that continues to bring me closer to Jesus. If I don't hit a single goal...I just want to have a closer relationship with Jesus. That's all that matters. I pray that, you too, will have a closer relationship with Him this year. <3 

Pivot

When I commit to something, I go all in.  I want to see it through, and I want to see it succeed. Whatever it is. But I can get caught up in that...and when something isn't working, I have a hard time letting it go. I want things to be perfect. If it's not working, I want to fix it so it will work.  But sometimes things are only in our lives for a season. Making decisions of what things stay and which go is the hard part.

The Lord has really been whispering to me over the last few months. I say whispering because I always pray for Him to give me a flashing neon sign. Sometimes I have a difficult time figuring out if something is from Him or if it's my own selfish desire. I need Him to be very clear. But this time, His whispers have had me questioning everything.

The year 2020 brought a major change of moving closer to our family. I don't want to squander any opportunity that I have to hang out with them. I don't want to have to say "no" to them because of some silly obligation. With our move came a brand new church. And while we haven't quite settled in yet, we have been enjoying the weekly teachings. Boy, have they challenged me. They aren't messages that I can just leave at church on Sunday, but ones that have brought thought and questions to my life through the week. So while I continue to chew on each of them, I have some of my own questions.

What does He have for me?
What things does He want me to make a priority?
Where am I called in this season of motherhood?
What things can I let go of?

Letting go is hard for me, as I mentioned. But I want to live a life of surrender...instead of grasping something with white knuckles, I want to have open hands. After all, the only titles and positions I'm filling are because the Lord has given them to me.  He brought this idea of a pivot into my mind. The word "pivot" means to modify while retaining some continuity according to dictionary.com. While I am continuing to move forward with my life, some things definitely need to be modified. And as we head into the New Year, I need to make some decisions. I need to pivot directions while staying grounded in the One whose foundation I stand on.

What will stay?

What will go?

What about you? Do you have things that you need to let go of? Do you have things you need to make a priority? How do you go about figuring those things out?

The Day Our Lives Changed...

It was 4 pm on Friday afternoon, and I heard the garage door go up and my husband, in his loud car, drive in. The door opened, and I looked up from my position on the floor with my 10-week old son.  My husband looked like he had just been hit by a bus.

"What happened?" I asked. "Are you okay? Did you get fired?"

He could only simply nod.

Now, this may be a strange conversation to have, but we had joked around in the past that Tyler would get fired because of his strong opinions. But the relationship he had with his boss was very transparent. He felt comfortable sharing his opinions and thoughts with his boss because that's the type of relationship they had built.

But 8-weeks prior to this conversation, my husband got a new boss. He was still on paternity leave, and he wasn't sure what to expect when he headed back into his office to meet his new boss.

The department was headed in a different direction, and they didn't feel that he could be of use to them.

Okay, so that was that. And that is why my husband came home at 4 pm on that Friday afternoon.  Once I figured out what had happened, I calmly said, "Okay, it will be alright. We will be fine. God is not surprised by this."

I have no idea why I was so calm and not freaked out that I had a 10-WEEK OLD BABY and my husband didn't have a job. But I was at peace. Things would be okay. The Lord was in that conversation that day. He was not surprised by any of this.

It's not about what you know. It's about who you know.

That sentence is so true, and it came to be helpful as Tyler started trying to sort through the rubble and find a clear direction. He texted an old buddy of his, and he contacted the recruiter for the company that he worked for. What do you know? He had an interview the next week and a job offer all within a week and a half of him losing his job.

The Lord was in that conversation that day. He was not surprised by any of this.

Flash forward a couple of months. COVID-19 became a real thing and his company started telling people to work from home. We are so grateful that he was able to do so. But we also started re-evaluating our priorities. We once thought we would be living in Oklahoma for the rest of our lives. We thought that Tyler would be with his previous employer for a long time. We thought a lot of things, and suddenly, we realized they didn't have to be.

So Tyler asked me why we were still in Oklahoma. I was caught completely off guard by this question. He's known that it was my deepest desire to move back home to be closer to family. As we talked about it, we made plans to move back to Missouri sometime within the year. We had a goal to be moved by Christmas. He started sending me links to homes that were for sale. They had the address of Joplin or Carthage. What?! We had always talked about moving back to Springfield. I had always assumed that we would move to Springfield. Our parents assumed that we would move to Springfield.

But God was already in this situation. He wasn't surprised by any of this. And He had a plan greater than our own.

We learned how quickly the houses were moving as we watched my brother and sister-in-law try to find a home to purchase. So while we were still looking to look, we knew that we would have to act quickly if we wanted to put an offer in on something we loved.  We had an amazing realtor who wasn't just our realtor, but our "coach" as well. We talked a lot of strategy because we also had a home to sell in Oklahoma City.  Homes were moving so quickly, we weren't sure sellers would accept a contingent offer. So we had to be approved for a second mortgage.  Now...if there's anything to throw up over, it's the amount of money that you can be approved to borrow. It makes me sick to my stomach. But we were approved, and we quickly made an offer on a home in a very desirable neighborhood OVER FACETIME.

God wasn't surprised by any of this. But we sure were!

The waiting game to buy a home is the longest process ever. The packing process of your current home with a 1-year old will age you about 10 years. But thankfully, my in-laws came to help and my dad flew down for a day to help load the truck. We are so thankful for the help! I'll spare you the crazy details that ensued the day before we were to leave with our loaded truck. We were supposed to close on a Friday and it didn't happen. So we were homeless for the third time of our marriage.

Once again...not a surprise to God!

The night we pulled into Joplin, I cried happy tears. My dream was coming to fruition. We were immediately met with my uncle, three of my cousins, my brother (who lives 3 streets down, by the way), and my parents. They helped us unload our truck, and I just thanked the Lord for this very situation.

As we have now been here one month, I still haven't been able to process it all. We finally have an accepted offer on our Oklahoma home, and we will be able to close that chapter soon. But to be here...somewhere that I didn't see living--ever--is the greatest gift.

Family is so important, and something that I haven't had in the first year of Henry's life is help when I need it. So as I navigate what that looks like--because if I can be honest, it's hard for me to ask for help--I will be trying to soak it all in.

We didn't see this life change coming. We really thought we would live in Oklahoma for the rest of our lives. But God knew what would happen next. He knew that one huge life-altering event would domino effect the rest of these decisions. I'm so grateful to be close to my family and my friends. I'm grateful that cousins will get to know each other. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be here with a renewed heart and mind after being gone for 9 years. I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned along the way. And this isn't something that I ever want to take for granted. But most importantly, I'm thankful for a God who is sovereign and unchanging. He is faithful and good...no matter the circumstances.

She is Free Spotlight: Jorie

In January, I promised myself to get back to blogging regularly. It's an outlet for me, and I feel like I can work through a lot of emotions by writing.

However, today's emotion isn't hard....it's easy. And it's happy!

This year, I really want to take some time to spotlight the ladies that are working hard in the She is Free Studio. They have decided to make the investment in their health and have experienced inside-out transformation. God is really working in the lives of these women, and I'm excited to share their stories with you.

This month, I want to introduce you to Jorie. She took on the workout program that has 100 workouts in it, called Morning Meltdown 100. I asked her a few questions, and I want to allow you to listen in on our conversation.

Before you started working out with Beachbody On Demand, what were your hesitations and how were you feeling?

Jorie: Honestly, I hated working out. I hated the feeling of getting out of breath (still not really a fan of that! Haha!) and it just seemed daunting. Like it would take forever to see or feel any changes. I’ve started other workout stuff before but never finished....I’d miss a few days or it’d be the same thing over & over and I would just lose all momentum so I’d give up. But I felt “blah”. I wasn’t happy at all with how I felt, lack of energy, strength, endurance, etc. I was tired constantly and never felt

like playing with my kids if it took a lot of energy.

What made you want to do Morning Meltdown 100?

Jorie: I really liked that it was a variation of workouts. If it’s the same exact thing every single day, I get bored and quit. And to be honest, I needed something “big” to kick myself into action. I’ve never done anything close to 100 workouts...[I like to remind Beth that when I joined BOD, I asked her for basically the easiest program there was]....and I really wanted to challenge myself. I was tired of being tired. I wanted a change.

What kept you going?

Jorie: Part of what kept me going is that I’m stubborn. Once I started, I wanted to prove to myself I could actually do it! But also, I was amazed at how quickly I started to feel better and stronger and just more energy all around, so I wanted to keep at it for sure! Really though, the biggest motivation was the accountability group Beth started for it! There were MANY days I had no motivation to continue but those girls kept showing up and kept ME wanting to show up! I could not have done it without them!

What are you most proud of?

Jorie: The fact that I actually did it! So many days it was a mental fight to push play, but I knew I needed to do it. For myself, for my health, for my family....and some days you just have to do it even when the motivation isn’t there at all!

How do you feel now?

Jorie: I wouldn’t say I absolutely LOVE working out, but I enjoy it so much more than I ever thought I would! It’s become a stress reliever, a place I can clear my head. It makes me rely on God so much more to be my strength, especially on those days I’m not feeling it at all, because without HIM I couldn’t do any of this! I feel stronger than I ever have before in my life, healthier than I ever have before and I have energy and strength to enjoy my kids, have fun with them, play with them and carry them all over the place.

What have been your results?

Jorie: I didn’t lose much weight, and that was a huge mental thing I had to get over. We have become SO trained in this society to care about numbers and only numbers....please know that I’m not discrediting weight loss. Obviously, a healthy weight is extremely important! But I have spent so many years obsessed with that and only that. I would do whatever it took to get those numbers to drop, even extremely unhealthy choices. The weight would drop but I wasn’t healthy. So, this program did more for me mentally than I could’ve ever even imagined. I finally broke those chains of an obsession with numbers. I was losing inches and gaining strength. I KNEW I was getting healthier even if the scale didn’t drop. I knew I was building muscle!

I dropped a total of 7 inches ~ 4 of those inches were my waist! My clothes fit better and more comfortable and they fit in a HEALTHY way for the first time in my life and that motivates me more than anything else to keep going! I want my kids to see a model of healthy. True health, not what society says is health. I want my daughter to see that strong IS healthy. Strong IS beautiful. And strong and healthy is honoring to God as we learn to take care of the bodies He has blessed us with!

I’ve moved on to a new program now and am excited to see my health journey continue! Thank you, Beth, for being an amazing coach. For helping me, challenging me, encouraging me, motivating me and believing in me! I could NOT have taken that first step without you! Thank you for walking this journey with me!

Coach Note:

I am extremely proud of this girl. She has become such a wonderful friend to me. And to think that we met through Instagram! How crazy is that? To see how the Lord is working in her life--breaking the chains--and to see her walking in that freedom is truly incredible and an answered prayer! I truly cannot wait to see how He keeps transforming her as she walks in His Light!