Recovering From Heartache

I grew up in a loving, Christian home.  I accepted Christ as my Savior at age ten.  I have known who Jesus is my whole life.

But I have not always lived like it.

In 2014, my husband was promoted to manager within his department in his company.  With this prestigious title came the responsibility of traveling to different offices around the country every week.  At first, it was fun for me.  I had lots of evenings free that I could craft or do whatever I wanted to do.  I didn't have to make supper if I didn't want to.  I didn't have to answer to anyone...just my dog.  <---Believe me, he's pretty high maintenance. :)

But week after week, month after month things slowly changed.  The traveling took a toll on our marriage.  I didn't have a whole lot of friends in St. Louis at the time.  I had a particular work friend that I often unloaded on, but my guard was pretty high.  I was hurting from so much loneliness.  I didn't have a clue how to fix it, but I searched for a solution in all the wrong places.  It was in early 2015 that I was feeling pretty convicted that I needed to spend more time with Jesus in the mornings.  I had left Him out of my life.  I was making decisions without Him.

Fast forward to May 22, 2015...the day my world changed forever.  My beloved Granny left this world and graduated to her place with Jesus in Heaven.  After three days of holding a bedside vigil, she went to be with her Savior.



What ensued afterward was a deeper downward spiral for me.  I struggled to stay afloat.  I began comforting myself with food.  I definitely didn't grieve in the way that I needed to.  My husband was still traveling, and I had no one to talk to.  I was broken.

I was still convicted of spending time with Jesus each day.  In fact, it was actually May 19, 2015 that the direction of my life changed.  You don't forget days like that...and this is no exception.  As I was driving across the state of Missouri on that day, I knew that my life had to change.  I had to do something about it.  I had to take matters into my own hands. Conviction is useless without action.  I had to do something about my life.



Growing Up is a book that I am currently reading.  In it the author, Robby Gallaty says, "There are three types of people in this world:  those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what just happened.  Be one of those who makes things happen in your spiritual life." [Emphasis added.]

I had to quit waiting around for something magical to happen to bring me back to a right relationship with the Lord.  I had to quit relying on my parents' beliefs to be my own.  I had to take MY relationship with Jesus in MY own hands because it is that important.

Fast forward to January 2016.  My husband received another promotion within his company and we relocated to Oklahoma City.  It was the entire year of 2016 that I decided that I had to dive deeper into my identity in Christ.  Sure, I would totally do things differently now, but hindsight is always 20/20.

Today, as I reflect on the legacy that my Granny left, I am reminded of a verse in Romans.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Life is tough sometimes.  Going through struggles may seem never ending.   But as someone who is on the other side {finally}, someone who is still continuing to heal, I can tell you that God knows exactly what He's doing.  He makes even the worse situations work for His good.  Cling to that hope today.

I miss Granny everyday.  I still cry when I think about her, but I know that God is healing me more and more each day through His truth.



Watch my story here:

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