Journey to Jesus: Desire

My circumstances allowed me to feel my emotions. I knew that I needed to change.  I had known it for a while, but I did nothing about it.  It was not until Granny passed away that I had a full understanding of where my life was headed.  I was tired of being a "Christian" without really acting like a Christian--and unfortunately, this is exactly why Christians get a bad reputation.  We do not truly act as a follower of Christ would act.  We simply just take the name.  And that is not how I wanted to be known!

It was in those moments of her death that I finally had desire to change.  I knew that it needed to happen, and I was going to act on those feelings.  I was desperate.  I was desperate for change.  I was desperate for Jesus.

   
I was finally feeling that desire within me.  I was ready to put my desire into action.  I was ready for something different because whatever I was doing in those moments were not helping me. It was only bringing me down.

I have to be honest, though.  My desire came in pieces.  It did not all come at once.  My desire for Jesus came first.  I knew that was the missing link in my life from the beginning.  I knew that I needed Him to be able to survive Granny’s death.  Without Him, my life is worth nothing.  Without Him, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to keep going.  Without Him, I had absolutely no hope at all.

So I focused on building that relationship.  But that was the only thing that I focused on.  In my grieving, I completely neglected my relationship with food.  I was not focused on what I was eating or how I was treating my body.  I was slowly gaining the weight I had lost back.  I was tired.  I was only working out sometimes.  I was not dedicated to it at all. That part would come later. I just needed to focus on rebuilding my relationship with Christ.  I needed to spend time with Him daily.  I needed to grow in my faith.  I needed to figure out who I was meant to be.

I remember sitting in my kitchen one morning, praying to God.  I was sorry that I had let our relationship sit on the back burner for so long.  I was somewhat embarrassed that I was in that position. God knew everything that had happened, yet I poured my heart out to Him.

To quote a line from my study notes from Bible Study Fellowship, "He always notices those who make the slightest moved toward Him! ...Jesus meets those who desire to know Him and makes it easy to come to Him without fear."

Jesus was quick to meet me where I was at.  He embraced me and sweetly welcomed me back where I belonged.  That desire that I had for Him was met with open arms.  That is a feeling that I cannot describe.

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